I’m single again. This time I’ve seen him after our break up and felt…

Nothing.

No sadness about his loneliness or less than perfect situation. No guilt for his being in that situation. Nothing.

He is nothing more than an acquaintance to my heart. When he left, I felt relieved and my first thought was, “Now, I can get some things done.”

I feel a little sad that our year together left me with these feelings, or lack of feelings. I guess I used all my feelings up already. He torturously murdered my love for him.

First sight after the break up

When I saw him after our break up, he said, “I bet you didn’t shed a single tear did you?”

I said, “I shed too many while we were together.”

That pretty well sums up how I feel. I shed too many tears, nursed too many bruises, and endured too many assaults for me to mourn the loss of our relationship.

I spent a year watching him murder my love for him. What more does he want? Whatever it is, he ain’t gonna get it from me.

Now what?

I’m already halfway through purging him from my life.

There are things that bring back the anger, hurt and confusion of our relationship.

I found several of our cereal bowls nestled among the pots and pans.

When I wash the dishes, I remember how I would hear the water running and noises from the kitchen while he was washing the dishes for two hours. Later, I would go into the kitchen and find half the dish soap gone and all the dishes still dirty.

I found all three of the items he said he would fix. They are all torn apart. I threw them away.

Thinking back on the relationship

I remember the things he told me that first day. He lied about nearly every single thing.

There were red flags in my mind. There were warnings from friends.

Why did I choose not to listen?

Until next time…

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