The first thing I noticed was that every male who hears about the break up comes over “to see how how I’m doing”.
Every one of them let me know what they really wanted within a few hours.
- Bitch about him
- Have a place to stay
What makes them think that an hour after he moved out, I’m wanting to have sex, much less have sex with them?
What makes them think I want another relationship before the sun set on the end of the last one?
Why would I want to listen to them bitch about him when I know they are friends with him (at least to his face)?
Why would I let you stay with me just because he’s gone?
Which brings me to my ultimate question:
Why do they think I need a man?
This isn’t the 1950’s. I don’t need a man. I don’t want a man. I’m just fine all by myself.
Sure. Visiting is nice. Socializing is great, but that doesn’t mean I want you in my bed.
How the hell is getting with another man going to fix my broken heart?
How will it help my trust issues?
Why would being with them be any better than being with him?
Do men, honestly, think a woman is so desperate for attention that she would get with another man before the end of the day?
They remind me of vultures hanging around a dying man. The only thing on their mind is what they want.
Yes. I do have one of his friends staying with me. He started staying here before the break up. Could that be a contributing factor in the break up?
Maybe. You need to understand, I ran for my life at 3am more times than I care to remember throughout the last year.
Why did I keep going back?
I’d like to say there were different reasons. I’d like to say I believed his lies about things getting better. I’d like to say I don’t know.
If I said any of those things, I would be a liar. I went back because it felt good to be a victim again. It felt good to have people blame him for what was wrong. It felt good to say everything would be perfect if he would change.
I’m not stupid. I knew he would not change. I knew that nothing I did was going to be good enough. I knew all this the first time I went back. Yet, I refused to accept it.
What was the point of this post?
I had several things I wanted to write about and this was how it came out.
I hope this post gave you a little insight to the complicated complex of mazes and confusion of me.
Until next time…