received_261124721167344938026492.jpegWhy?    Why?    Why?

What the hell happened?


It was only one time.

I can start over.

Everyone makes mistakes.

You just gotta figure out what the hell happened and prepare for it in the future.

I woke. What was I thinking? I don’t remember.

What was I feeling? Something was missing. Something needed to be found.

I got dressed. It was nearby. I could feel it. What was it?

A message. I looked at my phone, but it wasn’t me looking. I was watching me look at my phone.

I read messages and sent some. I went to the convenience store. I bought smokes. On my way home, I found a twenty.

I put it in my pocket and sent more messages. This time I could see them. I was messaging some people to find dope.

I screamed and railed against the invisible barrier.

“No! Anything but that! Call someone! Message someone! Anything but that!”

Unable to stop myself.

Unable to control my body.

I watched the deal go down. I watched me lock the door behind them. I cried while I watched myself get high. Yet, no tears slid down my face. I felt the rush and the disconnect of being high.

Then, I looked at the items in my hands and fell over on my bed, sobbing.

How could I do this to myself?

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