A Relationship That Doesn’t Exist

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I saw him and was attracted to him. We started talking and joking. Eventually, I got up the nerve to ask him to be my boy toy.

I told him I didn’t want a relationship, just someone to have sex with. I didn’t need to know his activities or companions. We would have no strings or commitments to each other.

It would just be between the two of us. No dates or public display of affection. He could see other people and so could I. No hostility, no drama.

If either of us didn’t want to do it anymore, simply say no. No need for explaining or taking it easy on the other person. This is, also, an arrangement that doesn’t allow for a relationship to grow. You get together, have sex, and part. That’s the deal.

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So…

We visit and socialize with everyone until they all leave. We have sex. He leaves.

It’s all going according to the plan.

The next day, I’m working on getting my apartment clean and organized. This is right after I kicked out a ton of people, but I still had people coming over.

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I get a text from him. I smile because I think he wants to meet up.

I open the text.

“I enjoyed your company last night. I hope you have a good day.”

Or something like that.

I’m stunned. Did he understand our agreement? Did he send it to the wrong person?

Maybe he’s just being friendly.

I text back a thanks and wish him a good day.

A few hours later, I get another one. He wants to come over.

I say sure.

He comes over about 8pm. Fine. Most of my company have left by then and I don’t have to worry about explanations or jealousy from my other boy toy’s.

That’s right. I had several boy toy’s and I still wanted him. I would say I was a player, but I made it clear there was no commitment with each of them. I told them I was going to see other people. They were okay with it. A couple even brought other women to my apartment. No big deal. No drama.

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Anyway, back to Boy Toy…

He texts me and asks if I need anything. I text that I need cigarettes.

Yes. I smoke cigarettes. Yes. It’s unhealthy. Yes. I’m endangering the lives of those around me. I’m trying to get off of, and stay off of, smoking meth, so get over it. The way I figure it, I am only able to do so much at once and the worst habits should be dealt with first.

He comes over, bringing me a pack of cigarettes and a Mt. Dew. He sits down and we talk with the people who are still there.

When they leave, he turns to me and starts talking about his day.

I’m stunned, again. Then, I think he needs to get it off his chest. He doesn’t say anything that sounds like it would be different from an ordinary day. Plus, he’s listening to music on his earphones or buds or whatever they are.

Why?!?!?!?

The whole time he’s talking all I can think is, “How does he not understand what I said? Is there some kind of language barrier in Oklahoma that doesn’t allow the natives to comprehend the messages of the rest of the world?”

Finally, he stops talking. He’s looking at me as if he expects something.

I run the last ten seconds of his talking back through my mind.

“It was good,” I say.

The corners of my mouth turn up into the beginning of a smile.

“Good,” he says, like it mattered to him.

I’m in all new territory. In all my life only my children showed true interest in how my day went. I think the reason was to find out how easily I would become angry.

How do I deal with this interest he’s showing? Do I tell him details, like he told me? Does he really want to hear about me blocking a dozen people on Facebook? Or the research I did on outlining novels? Could he be interested in me, as a person?

Then, he starts talking about his family.

I sure am glad I kept quiet. He was just being polite and I almost thought he was interested in me. How silly.

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After several minutes, he turns to me and asks where he can buy the books I have published. He, even, helped me by writing notes for me while I cooked.
WHY?!?!?!

This continued for a couple of weeks, then he spent the night. He hasn’t gone home since.

It’s been two months since I asked him to be my boy toy. I know nothing more than I did after two weeks.

At one point, I was messing with him and asked him, “Can I keep you? Forever and ever?”

He said, “Hell, yeah.”

Does that mean we’re in a relationship?

When I asked him, he was extremely evasive. So, I’m still in a relationship that doesn’t exist.

Until next time…

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