Where do you draw the line?

Peace in my mind and heart would be a miracle.

I came across this. It made me stop and think.

All lasting relationships include alot of forgiveness, truth is everybody going to hurt you whether it be small or big. You just gotta figure out who’s worth the pain, who you want to grow & prosper with. You can’t expect shit to be picture perfect 24/7 otherwise it ain’t real.

Check out @coolunknownfact’s Tweet: https://twitter.com/coolunknownfact/status/1097737504910860289?s=09

And it starts again…

Is it possible I have been too strict about the honesty thing?

It’s not like honesty is important, right?

Just because they get caught in one lie doesn’t mean their not honest, right?

What about secrets? It’s perfectly okay to have secrets in a relationship, right?

Another thing that’s perfectly fine is taking your partner’s things and putting them with your things. That’s not stealing, right?

Of course, loaning out, selling, and giving away your partner’s things without their knowledge is perfectly normal! How could anyone have a problem with this?

There is a message in the way people treat us.

What should this treatment be telling me?

My interpretation

The messages I am receiving are confusing. At first, I’m furious that the person who wants me to believe that they love me could treat me like this. Then, I start rationalizing and excusing the behavior.

This is all before I even talk to the other person about it.

I think about the things they told me about their previous relationships. How they were mistreated and abused.

I convince myself that once I bring it to their attention, they will apologise and not do it again.

They deny doing it.

I’m furious. I feel like they think I’m an idiot.

I yell and throw a tantrum. I’m nearly out of control with rage.

How can they deny logic and physical proof and witnesses?

I calm down, eventually. I feel bad for my behavior.

I apologise for how I acted.

They forgive me.

I bring the subject up that they denied and they say, “I already forgave you for that.”

Though I’m still in control, rage swells within me like a tidal wave. I turn my attention elsewhere. I can’t let myself lose control again. I have to wait a while before bringing it back up.

If only I was strong enough.

The next day

I bring it up again.

“Why do you keep bringing up the past?”

“It was two days ago and we haven’t worked it out yet.” I say.

“I told you I forgive you.”

“I haven’t forgiven you.” I say.

“I didn’t act insane.”

Rage swells once more.

“You know what? Just get out.” I say.

“Why?”

Shock and rage combined to completely overwhelm any logical thinking I may have been able to conjure.

I screamed and yelled and threw things. I was insane. For the next couple of hours, I was anything but human. I had demonic thoughts and actions. How I managed to not physically attack this person, I don’t know. Seriously. I wanted them bleeding and dying at that moment. Images of me killing them in different ways flashed through my mind as I watched myself scream and yell and throw things.

Yet again, it starts

Later, when I calm down, I wonder why I let them get to me like that.

I wonder why did they just sit there, ignoring me.

What the hell are they still doing in my apartment?

Were they really that clueless?

Did they not understand their behavior was unacceptable?

This is the place where I rationalized and excused their behavior. This is where I would convince myself that I just needed to control myself and talk to them. I would convince myself that once they understand that this was hurting me, they would stop.

Just to make you smile… LoL

What this really is

This is the cycle of abuse. This is the thinking that causes the victim to return to the abuser.

This is the place where change must occur.

There is no way that the person I’m dealing with doesn’t understand they are doing wrong.

What do you think?

Until next time…

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