Confession Number 1
I don’t want to go into a lot of details, but I have been unable to get back into recovery, unable to get any clean time, and unable to get my medicine because of it.
That’s right. I’m a dopehead.
Not only am I a dopehead, I am currently using.
Some of you may have figured this out. Some of you may stop reading my posts, thinking that dope is clouding my judgement and there’s no hope for me.
I firmly believe that:
As long as there is breathe in the body, there is hope
I’m sure there are people in my life who are going to have a fit about me putting this out there.
I know of a couple of people who could have some negative repercussions by being associated with me because I have confessed to the disgusting, deplorable, and illegal activity.
Addict or Dopehead
I am not an addict, in my opinion, because I’m currently using. I was an addict for four years. Clean and in a recovery program.
I know it works. I know how to do it. I know my worst day clean is truly better than my best day using.
So, what happened?
I’m gonna save that for another post.
This one is about what’s going on right now.
I have taken steps towards getting clean. I have made attempts to get clean. I think I managed to get a week clean.
I just can’t make it stick. I can’t get my head, heart, spirit, soul, and body on the same page.
What made me confess this degenerate activity?
Well, several things kind of culminated into an irresistible desire to open myself (and possibly others in my life) to the critical, judgemental, and, often, cruel observations of others.
Confession Number 2
First, I have another confession.
I’m not christian.
I’m pretty sure I just lost the rest of my readers.
I have been reading my horoscope on different apps for about two years.
I wasn’t sure if it was all nonsense or not, so I kept track of my day and read the horoscope at night to see if it was accurate.
Well, at least as accurate as the meteorologist, anyway.😜
😱 ♏ I believe this is the symbol for Scorpio. Yup. I’m a Scorpio, too! 😱
I have found two places, each with their own focus, that is as accurate as a meteorologist. Some days, I like what it says. Other days, well, not so much.
Back to our post.
Anyway, I have been reading my horoscope and connecting with the universe on a regular basis for about a year now.
I’m not saying I am spiritual or whatever. I’m just saying I’m a lot closer to the powers that be than a year ago.
For the last couple of weeks, my horoscope has been alluding to some major changes in all areas of my life. I’ve been contemplating this.
A few days ago, all but five of my associates have pushed me too hard and I have asked them not to return to my apartment and to delete my number.
I will have to continue this in another post…
There is so much more to write…
Until next time…